152 | Saturday morning

I gain and lose 4-5 lbs a day.

Official depression phase

So low. No way to feel good. Lonely. Fat. Irrelevant. Working for the man in a job I'm good at but unsure if I believe in.

Forever feeling low

I just can't figure out if my life is messed up or if it's wonderful. I'm pulled toward this loner ideal of just running away from NYC and changing my name and moving to an unknown city and finally just disappearing. No more technology. No more blogs. No more twitter or Facebook or Huffington Post or CNN or whatever.

My relationship with my parents is lost. Everyone around them appears to be suffering or dying. They're entirely negative.

I constantly feel lonely and pointless and fat as a house. At 156 lbs I deserve to be called a failure.

156.4 at night

I give up? No I can't.

151.6 in the morning

I've done poorly on my diet and exercise plan but really have been more focused since returning from my long business trip in Canada on healthy choices. I think I still haven't lost fat lbs but I've definitely lost bloat lbs. I'm feeling a little better inside. A little more confident.

The masseuse at the hotel a lot a week and a half ago (yes I got a painful deep tissue massage) told me I was retaining water.